A Guide to Taking Accountability for your Mistakes
What to Do When You Realize…You’VE Messed Up: A Guide to Taking Accountability for your Mistakes
Have you ever been in a heated argument with someone and all of a sudden they bring up a really good point, but the momentum is already so escalated that it feels too challenging to admit you are wrong? In this blog we will examine what it’s like to experience that uncomfortable, shame-ridden feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize you messed up.
Why is it so hard to admit that we’re wrong?
Human beings are hardwired to believe that our thoughts and feelings are objectively true. It isn’t until we are pushed to do the extra work of challenging our beliefs that we find errors in our ways of thinking and begin to question the rigidity of our world as we know it. One major reason we might struggle to admit when we have made a mistake is because it feels like an attack to our character. We all want to view ourselves as overall good people contributing good things to this world, and our flaws take us away from these visions we hope to fulfill.
The Dialectics of Accountability
Accountability, in the simplest form, is taking responsibility for your actions. If you hold yourself accountable, you are committing to address the issue at hand, to see it from another point of view, and to actively make efforts to change/improve in some way. One way to challenge the idea that being wrong or making a mistake takes away from our good character is holding space for multiple truths at once. You can be a good person, AND make mistakes. You can feel that you’re in the right, and another person can simultaneously feel that you’re in the wrong. Both can exist at the same time. Opening up your mind to dialectical thinking helps reframe the narrative that being wrong is a bad thing.
Steps Towards Taking Accountability
Acknowledge the issue. Whether or not you agree with the other person(s) involved, addressing that you play a role in the situation and that you are responsible for your actions and behaviors.
Open up your mind. Try to see the world through the eyes of someone else. How else can this story be told? What might have been hurtful or problematic about your approach?
Remember to differentiate between intent and impact. Keep in mind that even though you may not have meant to hurt someone or to cause any issues, there clearly was an impact that you still are responsible for. If you are too focused on convincing another person of your “good intentions”, this will likely be perceived as defensiveness or avoidance. Focusing on the impact is key to productive conversation around accountability.
Operate from a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. What are a few ways you could have handled the situation differently? What specific goals can you set for yourself around this issue or behavior? What might be at the origin of this behavior? How can you learn from this?
Maintain gratitude and self-compassion. Instead of feeling defensive or angry about being called out or challenged, try to reframe the situation as a learning opportunity. Sit with the gratitude of the learning curve. Remember that it is okay to make mistakes and that you are still a whole person with multiple moving parts.
If you need some extra support with better understanding your behaviors and how to take accountability, feel free to reach out to us here to schedule an appointment with one of our providers.