Attached Book Review
Name of Book: Attached
Authors: Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Age Rating: 18+
Trigger Warnings: relationship abuse, intimate partner violence
Who this Book is Good for: anyone involved in or seeking out romantic relationships and anyone interested in learning more about healthy relationships
Why We Love This Book:
Attached breaks down the science of attachment theory and how it applies to adult relationships. The authors use psychological theories based on studies conducted by John Bowbly and Mary Ainsworth between 1950’s-1970’s. These studies found that attachment styles tend to form in childhood, based on early relationships with parents or caregivers. The book provides psychoeducation on the three main attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant; it guides readers toward an understanding of their own attachment style and the ways in which they show up in romantic relationships.
Below are the three main attachment styles covered in this book:
Anxious Attachment- Individuals with anxious attachment tend to use extreme measures to seek closeness with their partner and worry about losing them.
Avoidant Attachment- Individuals with avoidant attachment tend to withdraw from intimacy and view emotional closeness as a threat to their independence.
Secure Attachment- Individuals with secure attachment tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and have a general sense of trust in relationships.
This book engages readers using real-life examples of adult relationships and the dynamics that play out between partners who have opposing attachment styles. Levine and Heller use anecdotal stories from friends and colleagues struggling in their romantic relationships, diving deeper into the intricacies of these connections to explore the origin of the disconnect. Because these stories are so honest and real, people around the world and across cultures can relate to these experiences.
Why it Stands Out:
Attached presents relationship and dating advice for both single and partnered individuals, drawing attention to the behavioral tendencies associated with each attachment style. It follows up with strategies to restructure unhealthy patterns learned from childhood when seeking out connection as an adult. The book discusses themes of insecurity that can show up in relationships, exposing vulnerable emotions and situations that are not widely talked about on an interpersonal/individual level. For example, some stories explain why some people stay in dysfunctional or abusive relationships, even if it may seem hard to understand from an outside perspective. It addresses the complexity and emotional turbulence involved with dynamics like these. The book also discusses the perpetuation of cycles and patterns between two insecurely attached individuals and provides suggestions for couples to manage conflict using secure principles.
Highlights:
It is important to note that, although this book provides ample scientific evidence for relationship dynamics and attachment theory, it is not a “one size fits all”. Attachment styles can exist on a spectrum, with behaviors that fit both avoidant and anxious attachment styles. No one’s actions or behaviors can be fully predictable, even if their attachment style indicates a likelihood to act one way or another. In some circumstances, people with different attachment styles may share similar goals in relationships but have different ways of reaching them. Understanding our attachment style can help us learn more about our needs, fears, and limitations within relationships.
**Disclaimer: While we enjoyed reading Attached, we understand that this book may not be everyone’s cup of tea. We also want to highlight that while this book outlines mental health strategies that you can try on your own, our office still recommends that you consider speaking directly with a mental healthcare provider when struggling within your relationships. If you would like to schedule an appointment with our couple’s therapist, you can do so here.